I know Woody Allen uses the line in one of his films. I don't remember where. I take my job seriously so I type in the Google bar with quotation marks: "I couldn't tell a joke if my life depended on it." There are only three answers. None seem to refer to Woody Allen. The second one sends me to a dating site.

TDS92A lives in Florida. His hobbies include: golf, gaming, restoring antique weapons, target shooting, snorkeling, reading, science, tattoos.

I keep looking for my line. I find it below in his "About me":
 

I am an easy going, down to earth type of guy that is looking for the right lady to spend quality time with. One day at a time. I try to keep myself in shape by working out, and I do this five days a week after work. I have a sarcastic sense of humor, but sadly I could not tell a joke if my life depended on it. I do not do the bar scene or go clubbing. I have more important things to spend my money on. When I do decide to have a drink, it is always at home after all my work is done and in small quantities. I do not use tobacco of any kind. I also have 16 tattoos (very tasteful ones) and am planning on more. So if tattoos are not your thing, you know what to do. I have a strong belief in God and Jesus Christ and I start my day by reading my Bible. I am looking for my best friend. Someone to spend quality time with and if all works out right, maybe I will get lucky and find that life long best friend.

I close the web page with disappointment. Then I open it again. In fact, I keep coming back to his profile all morning. There is something uncanny about it.

At first sight, the man, the way he pictures and describes himself, seems exotic to me. His love of antique weapons, target shooting, his “strong belief in God and Jesus Christ,” I find foreign. But let us say these are cultural differences.

When I think about it, there seem to be two singular traits in his profile. One of them is his love of tattoos. 16 tattoos, 5 photos out of 11, is a bit unusual. So there is something about skin. And then there is the line: “sadly I could not tell a joke if my life depended on it.”

I wonder why he mentions this.

I imagine him in a bar. As he says, he “does not do the bar scene.” But I guess you have to make concessions on a first date. In front of him is sitting a woman whom he has chatted up on the Internet. The conversation slowly drops. He is dead serious. Could she complain that he has no sense of humor?

Or perhaps his former wife, or girlfriend, complained he was too serious. But then he says he has a sense of humor, a “sarcastic” sense of humor. So it should not be a problem in the long term. He could make her laugh. He just couldn't tell her a joke.

Of course, it is essential for the Woody Phobia Therapy that you can make a joke when your life depends on it. In fact, the idea is that when your life depends on it, you cannot but make a joke. It should come automatically. It is altogether different from having, or not having, a sense of humor.

I guess TDS92A must represent for me a kind of counter-model, another way to deal with fear and boundaries: weapons and tattoos. I think that is why I am fascinated by his profile. The problem is that this counter-model would require that I go target shooting, have my skin pierced with many needles, and read the Bible every day. Could I adapt?

For various reasons, I would rather try something else.